More Than I Can Handle

God gave me a new assignment recently.  I don't like it.  It doesn't come naturally.  I feel awkward and ill-equipped. 

A dear friend reminded me that God doesn't call the equipped -- He equips the called.  I know she's right.  But it would be so much easier if He just gave me things I already know how to do.  Then I wouldn't have to lean so heavily on Him.  But then, that's the point -- isn't it?  

I've often heard people say, "I know God won't put more on me than I can handle."  Some will even add, "I just wish sometimes that He didn't have so much confidence in me."  Cute.  But I don't think it's true.  I believe that sometimes God does allow us to find ourselves in situations that we absolutely cannot handle under our own power.  In those times, we have no choice but to turn to God and rely on His power.  If I only try things that I can do on my own, then I'll never experience God's power in my life. 

The problem is I thought I learned that lesson already.  I thought I could check that one off my list.  Lesson learned.  Good job.  Next.

Not so fast, Carol. 

God has given me a new assignment -- one I certainly am not equipped to handle on my own.  So I'm definitely leaning on Him in a new way.  I'm thankful for the opportunity to serve Him but very uncomfortable in this role.  It's definitely more than I can handle on my own. 

So I guess I'm going against the tide here.  But, yes, I think God does sometimes give us more than we can handle on our own; but only so we can know Him better and learn to trust Him more.

What do you think?

Still listening . . .
Carol

Listening and Hiding

I haven't posted anything in quite a while.  I guess you could say I've been "listening" instead of talking (or writing).  That's true, but incomplete.  I think I've been intentionally avoiding this.  In this space, I feel compelled to write what is honest and true, but it's my nature to build walls and hide behind them.  I can't decide how to balance those things -- even here in cyberspace.  If anyone is reading this, I'd love to know your thoughts.

Still listening . . .
Carol

Romans 12

I experienced Romans 12 in an overwhelming way yesterday.  The good little Southern girl in me wants to say that God used me in a small way.  That's the humble thing to say.  But the point is that God used me.  It's up to Him whether it was in a small way or a big way. 

And only time may tell anyway.  As I listened to someone's story, I heard about someone else who reached out to this individual in what appeared to be a small way but it turned out to be instrumental in this individual's journey.  The person who reached out may never know.  As my pastor says, God is always ahead of us.  He knows what will happen and puts the people in place we will need just when we need them.

As I'm writing this, I'm listening to Third Day sing, "I've Always Loved You."  If only we would remember just how much He loves us.

We are all part of each other's story.  We may never know if we played a major role or just a small "walk-on" part.  That's up to God.  We just have to be available when He gives us the cue to play our part.

Still listening . . .
Carol

Question

I've been "talking" through this blog.  Now I want to ask a question and listen to you.  I've been caught up in Romans 12 for quite a while.  Most people think of that chapter in reference to spiritual gifts and how we can use them in service to each other.  I'm stuck on verse 3. 

How do you interpret that?

While you're thinking about that, check out this week's Heart to Heart with Holley (http://blog.dayspring.com/)-- especially yesterday and today.

Still listening . . .
Carol

TX to AK

As I said a while back, Jim and I moved here to Alaska from Texas. Did I tell you that I love Texas? I do! It’s just the most amazing, incredibly beautiful place. 

Did I tell you that Alaskans don’t like Texans?  It’s true. I can’t understand it. Yes, in Texas, we love to say that “Everything is bigger and better.” And, of course, it is true that Alaska is just a tiny bit bigger than Texas. OK – so maybe a lot bigger. Alaskans love to say, “If you Texans get too ‘uppity,’ Alaska will divide in half and Texas will be the third largest state.”

Cute – very funny – Not.

Here's what I don’t understand. Why is it that Alaskans always feel the need to compare their state with Texas? I saw a T-shirt that, paraphrased, said, “Alaska – Disgruntling Texans for 50 Years!”

Was that really necessary?

Why not just celebrate that Alaska, like Texas, is an amazing, incredibly beautiful place?

Come to think of it, why do I compare myself with other people? Why don’t I just celebrate the person God created me to be?

Hmmm… I need to think about that. I think I have some listening to do.

Carol

Thank You

Wow!  You guys have been such a source of encouragement for me today.  I don't know what to say except "Thank You!"  You are so sweet to take time not only to read this but post a comment. 

Thanks to you, I'm almost brave enough to let a few more people know about this blog.  We'll see . . .

More importantly, you are definitely answering my prayer for clarity -- even if it might not be the answer I was hoping for.

Still listening . . .
Carol

"Be Careful What You Pray For"

You know that old saying, "Be careful what you pray for -- you just might get it."  (As a side note, let me just say that for years that made me afraid to pray.  I was scared that I would phrase something the wrong way and get something from God that was quite contrary to what I had in mind.  I know -- it sounds silly.  But at the time, I was quite concerned.)

OK with that disclaimer out of the way, I can tell you that I'm learning the real meaning of "Be careful what you pray for -- you just might get it."  For the past couple of days I've been following Holley Gerth's blog, "Heart to Heart with Holley" (http://blog.dayspring.com/) and the journey she is leading called, "The Rest of Your Story."  It seems to be for people like me -- who think they may have a story God wants us to tell, but don't know how to start -- or won't start. 

I've been following along and finally posted a couple of comments, including the information about this blog.  (I'm probably the only person out here in cyberspace with a blog they've told almost no one about.  If I tell my friends, they may read it.  Too scarey.) 

I've been praying for clarity about writing.  The "Be Careful What You Pray For - You Just Might Get It" kind of prayer.  My last post drew a comment from Holley.   She read my words and sent me a note of encouragement!  I emailed her to thank her -- I think. 

Bottom line:  I wasn't careful enough when I prayed.  I got what I asked for -- clarity.  Now what do I do?

Still listening,
Carol

Elvis, Pink and M&M's

It's been a while since I've posted here.  I could say it's because I've been busy with life and work.  And that would be absolutely true.  Have I mentioned how much I love my job?  I do.  It's been super busy lately and I love that.  However, I'm not absolutely sure that's the reason I haven't posted anything lately. 

For a while now, I've felt like God has been leading me to write a book.  He has blessed me so much, but I know it isn't just for me -- I need to share those blessings with others.  If I won't tell my story -- His story -- how will He receive the glory? 

But there's a problem.  I'm an intensely private person.  I don't mind that people know I love Elvis, pink and M&M's; but I probably won't let you know much more.  That makes it hard to write a personal story.

So I thought I would make it easy on myself and start with a blog.  Not so easy.  People could read this.  I'm OK with strangers reading it, but people I know?  Ouch!  Not sure I'm ready for that. 

So I've come up with a thousand reasons (excuses) not to write anything more here.

Not sure what will happen next.

Still listening . . .
Carol

A Day Off

I'm looking at the clock.  As I write this, it is about 3 in the afternoon on my day off.  I have been encouraged to stop working six days a week.  So in addition to Saturday, I am now taking off on Mondays.

I never thought of myself as a workaholic.  Don't misunderstand -- I've always worked a lot, but never by choice.  I've just always had jobs that required a lot of extra hours. 

I still don't think of myself as a workaholic, but I do work a lot of hours -- but this time, it's by choice.  I love my job!

I guess that's why it's just after 3 on my day off -- and I finally stopped working for the day.  Well, at least I'm taking a break.  We'll see how long it lasts.  But give me credit -- I am at home.  My cat is happy.

Still listening . . .
Carol

Shoes

OK – we’ve established that Jim and I moved here from Texas. We’ve been here over a year now. Slowly I’m changing my wardrobe to fit the casual lifestyle here. Don’t get me wrong – I love it. It’s great to wear jeans all the time – even to church. (You don’t see jeans much on a Sunday morning in Texas.)

Here’s the problem. I love my shoes. Maybe “love” is too strong of a word. I am very fond of my shoes. I have all these pairs of cute little dress shoes – and absolutely no reason to wear them.

That’s especially true of the sandals and the heels. Alaska is snowy about six months of the year. I’ve adapted to the cold weather really well – much better than most people expected. However, I’m still not ready for flipflops or sandals in snow. (Some women do that here. Bravo for them. Not me – not yet anyway). And there’s no way I’m trying heels on ice. I see women brave enough for that. Not me. I break too easily. Seriously – shoulder, ankle, wrist – enough is enough. (And all that was on dry ground in Texas – not slushy, slippery, icy ground in Alaska.)

No, I’m being more practical – choosing shoes for the kind of tread they have, not for the cute little bow on top.

But what about the shoes already in my closet? What do I do with them? They are so cute! I just can’t seem to part with them. I might go somewhere, sometime when I’ll need the perfect pair of charcoal gray tweed and black patent ballet slippers.

Until then, I’ll just keep stepping over them to get to The North Face snow boots – the ones with the tread designed to take snow, slush, and ice.

Still listening . . .

Carol

Day One

Happy New Year!  Don't you love the first day of a new year?  It's just so full of possibilities.  That's the reason I always liked the first day of school.  Who would I meet?  What would I accomplish?  

My name is Carol.  I was born and raised in Texas.  I expected to live there always -- unless maybe I got the chance to work at Graceland -- which would have been an absolute dream come true!  (Yes, I am a huge Elvis Presley fan!)

But -- surprise!  My husband and I moved to Alaska in 2008!  How we got here is a long story, but a good one.  I'm sure you'll read more about it here.

God gave me a passion for writing.  I write about everything -- what I'm thinking, feeling, trying to understand.  And, very often, I write while I'm praying.  

I'm still unpacking boxes from our move here -- some that were never unpacked in our last house.  I found one of those boxes yesterday -- a box that had some of my earliest written prayers.  It was such a blessing to read those.  

In those prayers, I asked God for something.  He didn't answer that prayer for a long time.  Sometimes I thought He wasn't listening.  But I realize now that the timing just wasn't right.  There's a reason people say "God's timing is always perfect."  It is.  When the time was right, God answered that prayer -- and in a more amazing way than I ever could have imagined.  You'll probably read more about that here.

I should explain the title of this blog -- Listening.  It's something I learned from my pastor.  You'll read more about that, too.

Thank you for reading this and taking this journey with me.  

Still listening,

Carol